A. A is for 'Athlete'. An English band with two albums out. A bit quirky, especially the first album called 'Vehicles and Animals'. Great lyrics and frontman sings with a sort of east end of London accent. Absolutely love them. The second album is a bit miserable on the first listen but then switches to hopeful afterwards. Bye the way, not an album full of guitars so to speak but great nonetheless.

B. B is for Beck, Jeff. Where's me pick? Oh never mind I'll attack the bloody thing with me fingers! What a tone! Guitar Shop is knocking on a bit but what an album that was. You only have to listen to a couple of seconds of Jeff's playing on 'Where were you' and every single hair on your body stands to attention. Number one in my guitarist chart rundown.

C. C is for Coldplay. Yeah I know what you're thinking, but I love them, I really do. That guitar work on there is so simple but it is so sublime too. Its the first album 'Parachutes' that does it for me. There's a solo in a song called 'Trouble' and it comprises of two strummed chords-thats it! But boy does it work, god knows how but it does. Extraordinary.

D. D is for distortion. Clean guitar sound....yeah yeah very nice now run along and make a nice cup of tea. Whack up the gain and hey presto just look at the size of my dick! Some people can be a little conservative with the amount of overdrive they use but when Zakk Wild came over to my studio he just put everything on full throttle and waaaaaargh we ran for the hills.

E. E is for eels. Super creative multi instrumentalist bunch with beautiful words and melodies. Can be a bit samey but that doesn't bother me. Had a hit over here in the UK with 'Novocaine for the Soul'. My favorite album is called 'Daisies of the Galaxy'

F. F is for Fender Stratocaster. A difficult beast to tame but worthwhile in the long run. Different guitars make you play in a certain way, and so much more so with a strat. It will never be my best friend but I will always treat it with the greatest of respect.

G. G is for Gibson. My first proper guitar was an early 70's SG Standard. I loved that instrument so much. Unfortunately I managed to decapitate the bloody thing and after having it fixed I sort of went off it. I should have realised that this was just a temporary feeling but oh no, I had to flaming well part with it didn't I? What a stupid mistake. I shall never forgive myself for that. That's life! At present I have a 66 ES 335 and a 67 J45 (which I don't play really. Acoustic guitars and me don't get on).

H. H is for Hoodlum. The name of my best buddy guitar. It's a Kramer Nightswan which I got when I was in Zodiac Mindwarp. We were on tour with Guns and Roses in the States in 1987 (I think) and it was a gift from Buddy Blaze at Kramer. I actually got the guitar in pieces and put it together later. I also added my own 'Hoodlum' circuitry to it and gave it a bit of a paint job to cheer it up. It sings like no other. We've been through thick and thin together.

I. I is for Indian food. Dinner with attitude. Where I live there is a curry house called 'The Taste of Raj' which is always an experience rather than just a meal. You get free poppadums with chutneys to start with, and after the meal, free hot towels, oranges, After Eight mints and a glass of Brandy. Wow! Oh yeah the food is so reasonably priced and tastes superb. I should do their publicity.

J. J is for Joe who is my girlfriend's 10 year old son. A charming young boy who has boundless amounts of energy and enthusiasm and keeps me feeling quite youthful.

K. K is for 'Keane' who are another band from the UK who are a three piece comprised of (get this) a singer, a drummer and a keyboard player. What no bass or guitar I hear you cry. I know, it's mad isn't it. But it works though. The songs are just so good and the production is excellent. They must have had to try so hard not to be tempted to bang a few guitar bits in there. The keyboard player must have ten arms or something.

L. L is for 'Le Freak' by Chic. I've got this compilation CD that I made up myself which I play at parties when things start to cool down. The disc is full of dance tunes like 'Funky Town" and 'Boogie Wonderland" etc. Well the first track is 'Le Freak' and somehow it just never fails. If the party is full of Grannies or full of bikers or whatever, they all fall for it and get up and start dancing. It's the amphetamine equivalent.

M. M is for Marshall, Jim. It makes me smile when I think about him making that first amp and then shitting himself when he heard it all distorting, thinking I hope nobody fucking notices that this thing is breaking up like a bastard when you wind it up. Allegedly.

N. N is for No. I'm just not very good at saying it. Hey Jan, I've got a job for you. It will take you all week and we will probably shirk out of paying you too. Er.........OK, I'll start straightaway. Actually I'm not that bad anymore. I've got wiser. But sometimes I get caught unawares.

O. O is for Opeth. A Scandinavian band that my manager took on some time ago. They have an album called Damnation which is great. It could be described as a sort of tribute to the band Camel from the Seventies. Pretty laid back stuff with lovely guitar solos, wicked drums and quite a few time changes thrown in for good measure. Epic stuff.

P. P is for Pat Travers. One of the main influences on my playing. Wasn't he just great. 'Hooked on Music', 'Snortin Whiskey', 'Rock and roll Suzie' etc etc. He had that guitar plugged into some chorus or flanger pedal, and boy could he wail. Actually he came to my house a few years ago to do a bit of recording for Guitarist Magazine, and he still had that magic. I think that he's had a lot of bad luck with managers and record companies not being fair with him which is such a shame.

Q. Q is for Queens of the Stone Age. I recently bought 'Lullabies to Paralyze' which was my first introduction to them. I wasn't quite sure at first, but after about three listens I started to love it. Don't laugh but they sort of remind me of Spinal Tap but in a really good way. " Burn the witch.....la la la". You'd think it would be too serious or comical but it isn't. The production is pretty cool. Super fat interesting retro sound.

R. R is for Radios. I have a habit of collecting quality old portable transistor radios. Just ones that sound lovely and warm. I have a couple of pristine Hackers and loads of Roberts. I do actually listen to them. I've even got one in the bathroom which actually gets used more than any of the others. When on holiday in Florence, Italy last year my girlfriend Sue and I kept spotting transvestites all over the place. We couldn't keep shouting "quick look another tranny," so we substituted the word 'transvestite' for Roberts Radio. "Check out the roberts radio at 3 o'clock with the pink skirt." I need to get out more.

S. S is for Satriani, Joe. The guy who made it possible for so many after him to make and sell guitar instrumental albums. It has to be said that very few of them could compare to any of Joe's albums, but we had a go anyway. Having personally met Satch a few times, and worked with him once, I can say that he is a lovely man who unassumingly plays the guitar in such a way that even your girlfriend digs it. How many players can achieve that?

T. T is for Top twenty. When I was a young boy around the age of ten, Woolworths used to sell electric guitars and amplifiers. I think the amps were made by 'Audition' and the guitars were made by, or called Top Twenty. These guitars cost about 20 pounds and to be honest, and unknown to me then, they were utter crap. But I used to spend hours staring at them wishing I could have one. Thankfully I never did get one. I ended up getting a Jedson Telecaster which I kept for four weeks and then swapped it for a cassette recorder which broke down three days later. Ah the good old days.

U. U is for Upper George, The. The Upper George was the pub in Halifax, West Yorkshire where from the age of sixteen to twenty one I was to be found blissfully wasting the hours away with friends. It was a bit of a rock pub where all the long haired chaps and lasses used to like to be seen. The juke box was hardly ever changed. 'Heart of Gold' by Neil Young was on every other song and it was always so bloody loud. My favorite was 'Don't believe a word' by Thin Lizzy just because of the wah wah solo in it. Sticky carpets, ripped seats and great times.

V. V is for Vai, Steve. He was my big hero. Christ on a bike was I obsessed. I feel a bit embarrassed. No fuck it! Why should I be. I loved what he did with David Lee Roth. And when Passion and Warfare came out well that was it wasn't it. He could do no wrong. But you get older, and then you move on to other things, and then you change your attitude to a certain approach to a different approach, and then Steve Vai comes to your house. Yep, he came over to my house to record for Guitarist Magazine. Don't get me wrong I was still a huge fan but not quite the one I was before. He was stunning on the guitar, and a really nice guy too. We chatted, had a laugh, recorded some fab solos and I had a really truly wonderful day. But I wish that it could have been two years earlier, just so I could have had that mindblowing experience of meeting my idol in the flesh at the height of my obsession.

W. W is for Wladyslaw. That was my dad's name. He went through two world wars. One as a kid in Poland and the second as a POW in Germany. He came over to England shortly after the war in 1947 I think where he married my mum Felicia. My relationship with him was a bit strange as he never learned to speak English and I wasn't too hot on Polish. But we rubbed along just fine. I knew that I was loved and that's what matters at the end of the day. He used to hang out with his mates in the local park and sometimes I'd see him and he would see me too and give me such a subtle nod which made me feel all warm inside. It was almost like we had gestures as a form of communication. It's bizarre now I think about it but at the time it seemed perfectly normal. He died at the age of 76. If he was still around today he would be 95.

X. X is for Xylophone. Never had one and have no intention of getting one.

Y. Y is for Yes. Not as in "Affirmative Captain" but as in Yes the Band. I heard the album 'Fragile' when I was nine or ten. My brother in law Steve taped it for me and that was it. I had to have all the albums which I indeed did purchase. The whole sound of Yes was so appealing to me for some reason I just can't fathom. Even today I still love them and I still have no clue why. The songs are ridiculously complicated and the lyrics are well frankly, ludicrous but hell yeah I love it and still listen to them albeit secretly on my own. I've met Steve Howe once and exchanged pleasantries, and Chris Squire once bought me a pint of lager. My life is now complete.

Z. Z is for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. That is what you lot are probably doing right now after reading this right load of twaddle. If not, thanks for reading my A to Z. I'd love read yours. Leave it in the guestbook so we can all read it. Best wishes, Jan C.